Thursday, November 17, 2011

Spider-man Minimates

 Green Goblin is one of Spider-man's oldest frienemies. They both started out their careers around the same time and have had to interface professionally on countless occasions. Spider-man was guilt-tripped by some poor decisions early on into using his powers for good, not evil. Goblin, on the other hand, likes to use his powers for Cray-Zee! He will act out on his every whim and ruin someone's day without thinking twice about it. He once cut the power to a mayonnaise storage facility on the hottest day of the year. Spider-man and Electro had to come out on a Sunday morning to fix it.

Being diametrically opposed morally, they do have to engage in combat from time to time, but they've grown on each other. Though they detest each other's taste in fashion, they do really care deeply for one another.

Spider-man practices posing a lot. Being a super hero, it's pretty much given that he'll be photographed a lot. Especially by his creepy stalker, Peter Parker. He takes yoga with Convoy to work on his form.

Spider-man was bitten by a radioactive box-spider (a spider bitten by a radioactive box) which gave him strength, speed, agility and boxy body. The spider bit him while he was rummaging around in his science closet for his favorite hat. He had lost it a couple years prior but periodically tears his house apart trying to find it. He didn't find the hat. But he did end up in bed with a fever for three days.

His suit's a litte beaten up. If he got it touched up and made it nice again, he would just be worried about ruining it, so he keeps his suit in a constant state of slight disrepair.

Goblin is totally into Halloween. He loved Halloween before Nightmare Before Christmas made it all mainstream. He makes all of his pumpkin bombs himself, usually while watching old-school monster movies on Netflix. Mummy movies are his favorite, though they're not available for instant streaming.

Goblin got a purse because his outfit is devoid of pockets. He tried a utility belt for a week but it was visually weighty and made his outfit too busy in the center. He uses his purse to carry a book, keys, bombs, and a digital camera. These days you don't ever want to be without a camera because crazy stuff is happening all the time.

 Goblin likes to hold up his pumpkin and recite "taH pagh, taH be'" which is totally lame for three reasons:
1. No one understands Klingon (except maybe Wolverine).
2. That stupid line from Hamlet is one of the most overused quotes ever; idiot shorthand for "I've been in middle school English class and this is all I remember of Shakespeare."
3. His pose is referencing the Yorick scene and that's not the "to be or not to be" soliloquy.

He got his sweet hat from goodwill. It looks awesome when he's running around or flying and it trails behind him. Little does he know that this was the same hat that Spider-man was looking for when he was bitten by the box-spider. The hat was left on a bus and owned by an 8 year old girl for a few months before her father noticed that she was wearing a disgusting purple hat so he took it to the goodwill. She never forgave him for that. Spider-man has his suspicions that Goblin's hat is his own, but has no proof. Being that Goblin did buy it legally, there is nothing that can be done. It's still awkward sometimes.

This is what Goblin would look like running away after having put a dead fish on your dashboard on a sunny day.

1 comment:

  1. Knowing Green Goblins penchant for douchery, he probably sabotaged a Kewpie factory.